Seriously, if you’re a master in every way then what are you asking me for help for?
For the record, there’s nothing wrong at all with being Not The Greatest at spelling and grammar even if you want to be a storyteller, but if you’re promising someone a polished draft, you do need to at least run the automatic spell check thingie.
Ew, I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve chosen very polite words to tell someone their work is barely coherent and I get back judgy commentary on my “education” or “intelligence.” Yeah man, I think you’re gonna find it’s . . . not me. (But people like this are also prone to deciding it can’t be their fault and concluding that the entire publishing industry lacks their enlightenment, after which they’ll go on to publish independently and then blame the world at large for its poor taste when the book does not become a bestseller.)
Candidate for a Pullet Surprise
by Mark Eckman and Jerrold H. Zar
I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.
Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it’s weigh.
My checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when eye rime.
Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o’er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.
Bee fore a veiling checker’s
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if we’re lacks oar have a laps,
We wood bee maid too wine.
Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know fault’s with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.
Now spelling does knot phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped word’s fare as hear.
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should bee proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaw’s are knot aloud.
Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear four pea seas,
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting want too pleas.
This would be great for teaching. Also you’re evil for making me read this.