Published April 30, 2020 by swankivy

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Authors should definitely be able to take criticism. Even if it’s not delivered in the politest of ways, see what you can do with it. And it’s usually true that someone more experienced than you will have important things to say.

But it’s YOUR work. You know it better than anyone.

If someone tries to use their standing in the publishing world to change your message, to change your work’s essence, because they think you SHOULD be saying and caring about something else, you need to step back and consider that maybe despite the person’s credentials, they are wrong. I’ve met people like this before who don’t understand the difference between disliking something/not being interested in something and that thing being objectively bad or worthless.

Why do you write?

If following someone’s advice would require you to abandon that reason, back away slowly. You don’t want anyone like this to get the idea that they own your path to publication, audience, legitimacy, or confidence. It’s especially suspicious if they get angry at you or shame you when you won’t take their advice. The same as younger or less experienced people do need to take advice from people who know what they’re talking about, older or more experienced people need to make their advice accessible. If a newbie writer won’t take a more established writer’s advice and the established writer’s response is to explode and act insulted, that’s super inappropriate. No one should be that invested in pushing their own agenda. It makes it very clear the established author expects to be obeyed. “Obeying” a mentor isn’t how we’re supposed to learn our craft over here.

I never felt entitled to tell someone else what their work should be. I have at times told them that I had concerns about very central aspects of their book–like what disturbing message people might take away from it if they don’t reconsider an important aspect, or why a character’s motivation doesn’t feel real to me. That doesn’t mean there isn’t a right way to write what they wrote. But my way of handling that is to tell them why I reacted the way I did, not hound them to change it and sneer that they will never be published if they don’t obey me.

And disagreeing with someone, even an elder in your community, is not the same thing as not being able to take criticism. If you really know what you wanted to write about and your work is the result of caring about that thing the way you do, you will know what’s best for it.

No Excuses

Published March 31, 2020 by swankivy

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Ya know what, within reason, it’s okay sometimes to gather those moments. Even if it means that sometimes you’re not as tough on yourself as you could be. 😉

As long as this isn’t a pervasive problem where you constantly look for something to take you away from your work and you really can’t wrestle yourself into finishing anything–if you find that that’s your issue, there may be something else going on that you really need to take to task and address. But sometimes? No one’s going to die if you sometimes drop your obligations to spend time with your people. 🙂


Published January 26, 2020 by swankivy

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Yeah so this literally happened to me! I make YouTube videos for activism and sometimes people don’t know I wrote a book on the topic. And once, someone commented saying they were unsubscribing because the channel had become nothing but an ad for the book. They insisted that my content had become “continual plugs” for the book. Which is bizarre because I’d literally just had someone say they didn’t realize the book existed or that I wrote it. ^___^

I checked the transcripts of my videos and I had mentioned it twice in six months.


One was an addendum to a video that was mostly about something else, mentioning that it had come out in paperback. The other was a video about my experience at a conference that was about the book’s topic, which I had attended as an author and topic expert. (The video was more than 20 minutes long. The first 3 minutes was me doing a drawing for free copies. Then after summarizing the content of the conference, I described a trip I’d taken to New York where I’d attended three awards ceremonies for awards and nominations for my book and explained what I’d won and showed the medals and certificates. In addition to discussing my trip in general. It wasn’t a video that was designed to rag people to buy the book.)

I don’t think having a theme channel and occasionally mentioning the book you’ve written on the channel’s theme is unreasonable.

This was a good while back and it still irks me that someone tried to shame me for “advertising” too much on a video I’d made in June and the last time I’d mentioned the book was in January.

Undiscovered Genius

Published December 31, 2019 by swankivy

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You know what, I’m pretty proud of the fact that I’ve learned how to deal with criticism. It doesn’t just mean you automatically do whatever people tell you needs to be changed, of course, but sometimes if someone offers criticism, there’s still work you can do so the next person won’t say that. But if you just convince yourself that REALLY the problem is that you’re perfect and everyone else is wrong, you’re going to have very limited opportunities in the future.

Publishers (and editors along the way) aren’t there to squash your soul and chop up your book so it’s unrecognizable. They’re there to help your vision be realized. If you can’t get out of your own way enough to realize it does not necessarily fall out of your pen as pure gold–especially if nobody but you is having that reaction to your material–you won’t develop a healthy understanding of how to make your work better.

Keeping Up

Published November 30, 2019 by swankivy

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You know, even though some NaNo participants like to have sprints and contests, and even though some people enjoy healthy competition . . . ultimately we are not here to tear each other down. If your goal in commenting on my progress is to make me feel like it’s not enough, I don’t want you on my team or near my work.

I used to avoid participating in NaNoWriMo because writing 50,000 words in a month was such a low-ball goal in my experience. I once wrote a 155,000-word novel in two weeks, for crying out loud. But as a working adult with a busy life and a palette of interests that has diversified as I got older, I find myself not really making time for writing like I used to. That’s why I decided to try NaNo last year and this year. It got me writing. And it allowed me to set limits so I could also stop at a reasonable place and not feel obligated to let my novels totally eat my soul.

(I mean, they still do that eventually. But the actual drafting process while working on a NaNo novel is much more of a controlled experience. I don’t know if that’s better or worse.)

Things change sometimes. We have to change with them or we get stuck and don’t do anything. I don’t ever want to be in that position.

And I sure as hell won’t feel any realistic pressure from any writer who gloats about their progress at the expense of mine. I want others to feel good about their accomplishments and I’ll cheer you on even if you’re doing things I haven’t been able to reach yet. That’s just what being a good writer pal is about, and jealousy or dissatisfaction with any aspect of my own work does not figure into how I support yours. I ask for the same courtesy.

Feel Like It

Published August 25, 2019 by swankivy

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I get like this too, kinda. But sometimes I talk to a writer who seems to . . . really not like writing, and never seems to be in the mood to do it. There are some authors who believe everything has to be ideal for them to be able to sit down and write (and, you know, then by that point they’ve kinda built it up so much that there’s a lot of pressure to perform!), but then there are others who have no such mythology; they just don’t really ever feel like doing it, but maintain that sometime soon, they will do it.

I’ve definitely been in a slump like this myself lately, with just plain not making time for the stuff I used to make time for. Different creative activities seem to be taking priority. It’s okay when that happens (though it feels weird to be away from it for so long).

I’ll get back to it . . . sometime . . . when I feel like it (or when I make myself). . . .


Published July 31, 2019 by swankivy

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So, when you want to offer criticism on an in-progress piece of writing, constructive is the way to go.

That means that your end goal is the construction of a solid end product. You don’t get solid end products if you nuke the structure from orbit.

And if you’re particularly nasty, the author won’t be receptive to your feedback. They will feel attacked, and they will feel like what you’re saying is designed to destroy their work or make them angry. They won’t feel like you’re participating in their goal of a better product if the words you choose are about how bad it is now instead of how much better it could be if they apply your thoughts. If you talk like this, the author will likely feel that you’re primarily there to enjoy hurting them over something pretty personal.

And don’t ever imply that non-constructive feedback would be useful if only the author weren’t too sensitive. People can tell when you’re out for blood. Yes, there are authors who will snap and feel attacked if you say a single critical word, but most authors who would participate in seeking out feedback actually want to use your commentary to make their work better. Be a responsible critic and give them something they can use.