Show me someone who expects one project to be completely wrapped up before another one can start, and I’ll show you someone who never met a writer.
I mean, some people really like comprehensive acknowledgments! And if you’re putting a bunch of them in, it can be intimidating to worry that you’ve left someone out and they’re going to read it and they’re going to see all these other people named and they’re going to confront you like oh so I wasn’t good enough for you huh but . . . hey, if the worst happens and you do forget someone, you could always mail them a personalized signed copy. 🙂
Look at other people’s acknowledgments. Many to most do not have a whole lot of names, or they might just have a dedication. Look at the acknowledgments of people who might have thanked YOU. Look at the acknowledgments of people you’ll definitely be thanking. Look through notes and saved e-mails. And if you’re not at this point yet but you’re terrified you’ll forget people. . . .
Start keeping lists.
(Yes, I have two pages’ worth of acknowledgments, why do you ask?)
That’s the issue, isn’t it?
Publishers buy books that will make them money. And generally, even if your life actually was really interesting AND you are able to create a compelling narrative about it, it’s very hard to make anyone believe they will be entertained if they’ve never heard of you.
Writing down your memoirs, especially if you’ve participated in a niche career/pastime or been part of a notable historical event, is highly valuable and advised! And maybe you can self-publish through a print-on-demand service, gift copies to your inner circle and/or distribute copies at shops or venues related to your life’s subject matter, or buy some ads promoting it. You aren’t going to get into mainstream publishing with an autobiography sold as nonfiction unless it’s already made some kind of wave some other way. This fact doesn’t mean your work and life aren’t valuable. It means there’s an issue with the sales angle that’s almost impossible to overcome.
Other options if you’ve had an Interesting Life and really want to share your stories with a wider audience:
Recap some of them as short stories and sell them to magazines.
Recap some of them as skits and try to sell them to anthologies.
Rewrite it as fiction, if you think you can turn it into something reasonably plot-driven. (This is difficult to do right, but it’s been done.)
Get known for something else (or reach out to contacts in a place you’re known) and ask for opportunities to talk about or share the book. This can work really well if, for instance, you’re a comedian and your stories get people laughing, and they’d enjoy the idea of picking up your book after. Or you start a blog that provides content no one else is providing and see what people have to say for a while before you start promoting a book with the collected stories.
There are a lot of ways to do it, but the bottom line is that if you’re Joe Nobody whose life mattered to your co-workers, friends, and family but you have no name recognition outside your family reunion and your church, mainstream publishing attempts are almost definitely going to result in eternal limbo.
Authors should definitely be able to take criticism. Even if it’s not delivered in the politest of ways, see what you can do with it. And it’s usually true that someone more experienced than you will have important things to say.
But it’s YOUR work. You know it better than anyone.
If someone tries to use their standing in the publishing world to change your message, to change your work’s essence, because they think you SHOULD be saying and caring about something else, you need to step back and consider that maybe despite the person’s credentials, they are wrong. I’ve met people like this before who don’t understand the difference between disliking something/not being interested in something and that thing being objectively bad or worthless.
Why do you write?
If following someone’s advice would require you to abandon that reason, back away slowly. You don’t want anyone like this to get the idea that they own your path to publication, audience, legitimacy, or confidence. It’s especially suspicious if they get angry at you or shame you when you won’t take their advice. The same as younger or less experienced people do need to take advice from people who know what they’re talking about, older or more experienced people need to make their advice accessible. If a newbie writer won’t take a more established writer’s advice and the established writer’s response is to explode and act insulted, that’s super inappropriate. No one should be that invested in pushing their own agenda. It makes it very clear the established author expects to be obeyed. “Obeying” a mentor isn’t how we’re supposed to learn our craft over here.
I never felt entitled to tell someone else what their work should be. I have at times told them that I had concerns about very central aspects of their book–like what disturbing message people might take away from it if they don’t reconsider an important aspect, or why a character’s motivation doesn’t feel real to me. That doesn’t mean there isn’t a right way to write what they wrote. But my way of handling that is to tell them why I reacted the way I did, not hound them to change it and sneer that they will never be published if they don’t obey me.
And disagreeing with someone, even an elder in your community, is not the same thing as not being able to take criticism. If you really know what you wanted to write about and your work is the result of caring about that thing the way you do, you will know what’s best for it.
Ya know what, within reason, it’s okay sometimes to gather those moments. Even if it means that sometimes you’re not as tough on yourself as you could be. 😉
As long as this isn’t a pervasive problem where you constantly look for something to take you away from your work and you really can’t wrestle yourself into finishing anything–if you find that that’s your issue, there may be something else going on that you really need to take to task and address. But sometimes? No one’s going to die if you sometimes drop your obligations to spend time with your people. 🙂
Yeah so this literally happened to me! I make YouTube videos for activism and sometimes people don’t know I wrote a book on the topic. And once, someone commented saying they were unsubscribing because the channel had become nothing but an ad for the book. They insisted that my content had become “continual plugs” for the book. Which is bizarre because I’d literally just had someone say they didn’t realize the book existed or that I wrote it. ^___^
I checked the transcripts of my videos and I had mentioned it twice in six months.
One was an addendum to a video that was mostly about something else, mentioning that it had come out in paperback. The other was a video about my experience at a conference that was about the book’s topic, which I had attended as an author and topic expert. (The video was more than 20 minutes long. The first 3 minutes was me doing a drawing for free copies. Then after summarizing the content of the conference, I described a trip I’d taken to New York where I’d attended three awards ceremonies for awards and nominations for my book and explained what I’d won and showed the medals and certificates. In addition to discussing my trip in general. It wasn’t a video that was designed to rag people to buy the book.)
I don’t think having a theme channel and occasionally mentioning the book you’ve written on the channel’s theme is unreasonable.
This was a good while back and it still irks me that someone tried to shame me for “advertising” too much on a video I’d made in June and the last time I’d mentioned the book was in January.
You know what, I’m pretty proud of the fact that I’ve learned how to deal with criticism. It doesn’t just mean you automatically do whatever people tell you needs to be changed, of course, but sometimes if someone offers criticism, there’s still work you can do so the next person won’t say that. But if you just convince yourself that REALLY the problem is that you’re perfect and everyone else is wrong, you’re going to have very limited opportunities in the future.
Publishers (and editors along the way) aren’t there to squash your soul and chop up your book so it’s unrecognizable. They’re there to help your vision be realized. If you can’t get out of your own way enough to realize it does not necessarily fall out of your pen as pure gold–especially if nobody but you is having that reaction to your material–you won’t develop a healthy understanding of how to make your work better.
You know, even though some NaNo participants like to have sprints and contests, and even though some people enjoy healthy competition . . . ultimately we are not here to tear each other down. If your goal in commenting on my progress is to make me feel like it’s not enough, I don’t want you on my team or near my work.
I used to avoid participating in NaNoWriMo because writing 50,000 words in a month was such a low-ball goal in my experience. I once wrote a 155,000-word novel in two weeks, for crying out loud. But as a working adult with a busy life and a palette of interests that has diversified as I got older, I find myself not really making time for writing like I used to. That’s why I decided to try NaNo last year and this year. It got me writing. And it allowed me to set limits so I could also stop at a reasonable place and not feel obligated to let my novels totally eat my soul.
(I mean, they still do that eventually. But the actual drafting process while working on a NaNo novel is much more of a controlled experience. I don’t know if that’s better or worse.)
Things change sometimes. We have to change with them or we get stuck and don’t do anything. I don’t ever want to be in that position.
And I sure as hell won’t feel any realistic pressure from any writer who gloats about their progress at the expense of mine. I want others to feel good about their accomplishments and I’ll cheer you on even if you’re doing things I haven’t been able to reach yet. That’s just what being a good writer pal is about, and jealousy or dissatisfaction with any aspect of my own work does not figure into how I support yours. I ask for the same courtesy.